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How does one get a nice body without moving?
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.