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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...