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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.