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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
My brain has too many tabs open.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.