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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
why do i feel like you are reading this
Iām always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.