Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper