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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper