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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.