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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.