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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I just threw up my weekend.
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)