Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.