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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.