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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
I know u r but what am I ?
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.