Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)