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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.