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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!