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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.