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This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??