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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch