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In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!