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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke