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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...