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I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers