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I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Youβre not an easy person to likeβ¦.I like that about you.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
I like people... From a distance.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person IΒ΄d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying