Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
I like people... From a distance.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying