Daily Silly Status

To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that

Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.

Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.

Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.

People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.

You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.

Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.

Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.

Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D

I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels

I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.