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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?