Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)