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Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.