Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?