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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
I had your cake and ate it too.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store