Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.