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never be afraid to wipe twice
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.