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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.