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I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?