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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.