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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!