Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.