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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...