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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
Check this one out.........1
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"