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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.