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Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.