Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.