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I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.