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take me drunk i`m home
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..