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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors