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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
The first sign of laziness:
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
I`m having an out of money experience.