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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes