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How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)