Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.