Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
You look like I need another drink
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.