Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.