Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...