Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!