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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.