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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Warranty ā A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know Iām delicious but damn.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Sometimes I think Iām too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.