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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.