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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…