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Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.