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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?