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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?