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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.