Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.