Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.