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Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........