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I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.