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I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face