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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
I like people... From a distance.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.