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"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor