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I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
Being an American is awesome. The end.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.