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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.