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I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?