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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.