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Iām a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2