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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.