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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.