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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."