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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.