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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.