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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.