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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.