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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.