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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.