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One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!