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MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Being normal is boring.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.