Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.