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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.