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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.