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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around