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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor