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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.