Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.