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I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.